A farmer suspects robbers after spotting a drone. Their noisy animals will be the perfect loud deterrent.
I buy my granddaughters noisy gifts at the toy store. My daughter pretends to be annoyed, but deep down, she enjoys the noisy karaoke and singing bear.
At Christmas, they got me back with guinea fowl. They were cute chicks making quiet sounds, but now they’re grown and incredibly loud! The noise is worse than The Who or a rocket test, and sleep is basically a distant memory now.
There are more issues: their barn home now smells awful. You need a hazmat suit to enter, as the area might be uninhabitable for a millennium.
I released them into the world, but foxes see them as tasty snacks. I was told they can hurt a fox’s ears, and they can also escape into trees. So, I put them in a small, newly planted wood.
I added secure fences, with two layers going into the ground itself. I even installed three electric fences, making it more secure than Colditz prison. I forgot birds can fly! They proved this quickly after I released them, and I knew they were out due to the window shattering noise. I herded them back wearing headphones and a scented scarf.
The next morning, one was dead, and another was badly hurt. Foxes lived in the wood already. I had fenced them in with bird snacks, and when the birds flew away, I returned them to danger. I felt like an idiot.
The birds are on the lawn now, very noisy. The dogs are scared and covering their ears. I thought we had too many animals, including dogs, geese, sheep, pigs, cows, hens, goats, and snails. I wanted to reduce the number, and the guinea fowl seemed easy to deal with.
Five men came in a van recently and checked the cameras on my farm. They asked Kaleb about the dogs. Police said the van’s plates were cloned, and a drone has also been seen near my house. The police think someone is planning something suspicious.
I already beefed up security. Anyone who breaks in will have ruined eardrums.
I like Crufts, even dismissing it as mad. I just love dogs, and I’ve never met a dog I didn’t like. I like Labradors, but also water dogs. I think Crufts misses a good bit, as they want trained or agile dogs. I want a muddiest, flatulent, or worst-behaved dog show class, and my dogs would certainly win a medal.
I avoided commenting on Meghan Markle’s show. I want to point out how much I wish AA Gill was with us.
I always pay attention to weather forecasts because they matter for growing crops. However, it’s hard to find two that agree with each other, and The Sun’s forecast is consistently gloomy.
The Oscars guide you to bad films, as winners are often boring and terrible. However, the movie “Anora” won five Oscars this year, and it was not terrible. It isn’t epic, but I thought it was decent and I laughed one time.
Public figures naming favorite bands acts silly. Gordon Brown said he liked Arctic Monkeys and failed. King Charles likes Raye, who wrote “losing it, in the hotbox.” If you asked what music I liked I would not fail you. I’d say Supertramp. Crime Of The Century. All of it.